I know you care.
I know you would not want to see me hurt.
But dear, I am hurting.
To be happy for me is all I asked of you.
For I have found my happiness in him.

my heart yearns to be with this lady i know...
whose heart is pure and white as snow...
with skin so smooth it felt like silk...
whose voice so melodic i'll never get sick...
whose heart i hope that i could win...
as my wife i pray to god for her to be...
(...) is the name of she...

8.12.2008
1958hrs

when all you want is His blessings.

faith. istiqamah.

18:74

"Wahai orang yang lembut hatinya...
Aku tak ada siapapun kecuali ALLAH di hatiku...
Aku ingin menjadi yang halal bagimu...
Yang kan kau kecup keningnya..."

Ayat-Ayat Cinta.

Blessed Broken Road

"I think about the years I spent just passing through
I'd like to have the time I lost and give it back to you
but you just smile and take my hand
You've been there, you understand
It's all part of a grander plan that is coming true"

...says: for he only test those who he believes can... and he only test to the limit he believes we can
for be thankful.. that you were chosen.

Thank you.

pictures at random

Kasihku Abadi

Kamar hatiku, sekian lama
Suram dan sepi, kekosongan
Aku mencari insan sejati
Untuk menemani hidupku

Adam dan Hawa diciptakanNya
Disemai rasa kasih sayang
Agar bersemi ketenangan
Dan kedamaian di hati

....

Moga impian kan dirahmati
Dipertemukan serikandi
Susah dan senang sama harungi
Demi cinta yang hakiki

"And make the Glorious Quran, O God, the light of our hearts, the clarity of our eyes, the remedy for our illnesses, the atonement of our sins, and our savior from the Fire, O Lord of Majesty and Honor."

Oh Allah, help me.

O Allah, I shelter behind you from all deeds that will displease you. O Allah, I ask for the most essential, the most clean, and the honor You bestow. O Allah, do not make me so busy that I fall into the forgetfulness of those who forget You. May I be worthy of Your approval. O Allah, make me a servant remembered only for loving You, hoping for nothing from his worship! O Allah, fill my heart with joy from You, purify my tongue with Your Names, let my limbs labor on tasks You will find good and of which You will approve. O Allah, eliminate all traces, memories, recollections, and feelings that are not of You!

Junayd al-Bagdadi

Yesterday I dreamt of being in Mesir.
"Eh, kenape aku pegi Mesir lagi eh?"
Not that I don't want a second trip.
How can I forget.
Mount Sinai. The Sunrise.
The great closeness I felt to our Creator.
The Nile. Felluca.
The train back from Luxor.
The rain in Alexandria.
Asyir Mangga.
The Ayat-Ayat Cinta joke.
"Mana tau, balik nanti, jumpa Fahri kat Airport."
And...the flight back home.
Someone promised to bring me to Mesir one day.
Maybe to the pyramids, the Mediterranean sea...
I guess there were too many promises.
Too many to fulfill.

has always been a big sister to me

and he has always been the one and only Syed Hamizan Shah

"Lagi sikit lagi Khairun...Sikit aje lagi. Sabar k."

Inilah salah satu cara untuk memujuk diri setelah berjam-jam mark buku/worksheets. Kadang-kadang tu bosan jugak. Rasa macam nak tolak tepi semua kerja, pastu lari pergi holiday. Heh. Tetapi insya Allah tak jadi irresponsible begitu sekali kott.
Working in school has been interesting. Really interesting. Dalam sekelip mata, saya sudah mempunyai tidak kurang daripada 96 anak. Anak murid. Dari umur 6 tahun hingga 10 tahun. Dan setiap daripada mereka, mempunyai perangai dan ragam yang bermaaacam-macam!

Selain dari kerja yang tak abis-abis tu, life itself is erm tough. Bila pulak hidup ni senang kan? Kalau nak jadi antara hamba-hamba Allah yang disayangiNya mestilah mengharungi onak dan duri kehidupan. Sedangkan kekasih Allah diuji dengan pelbagai kesukaran. Ini apalagi kita, ummatnya yang selalu sangat lupa. Leka. Adakalanya rasa tak dapat tanggung lagi dugaan yang diberi. Lepas tu, rasa diri ni menanggung semuanya sendiri.

Itu bila tengah overloaded with so many things lah. But when my head is leveled, I remind myself that there is always someone whom I can turn to and He.... well, He never fails to listen.

Allah oh Allah,
Ya Mujib...Ajib Dua'ana..

"And why should we not put our trust in Allah while He indeed has guided us our ways. And we shall certainly bear with patience all the hurt you may cause us, and in Allah (Alone) let those who trust, put their trust." (Surah Ibrahim: 12)

I thank Allah our path crossed.

A piece of reminder I would like to share.
For you and esp for myself.

Bila Allah cepat makbulkan Doamu, Maka DIA menyayangimu,
Bila DIA Lambat Makbulkan doamu, Maka DIA Ingin mengujimu,
Bila DIA Tidak Makbulkan Doamu, maka Dia merancang sesuatu yang lebih baik untukmu.
Oleh itu, sentiasalah bersangka baik Pada ALLAH Dalam Apa Jua Keadaan Pun...

Kerana Kasih sayang ALLAH itu Mendahului KemurkaanNya.

For the person who shared this, thank u (=

Mr Syed Hamizan Shah, i'll c you tmr insya Allah! kejam-kelip, kejam-kelip Mizan dah besar...jgn cepat sgt besar, can? hehe.

"Anak Umi comel, sopan santun, pandai berhujah pula tuh. Siapalah yang tak berkenan."

"Dah mulalah umi tu. Kata nak suruh Mai jaga kilang?"

"Kilang Umi tak risau sgt. Siapa-siapa pun boleh jaga. Mai tu kalau Umi dah takda nanti siapa nak jaga?"

"Tuhan." balasnya perlahan.

Salju Sakinah - Zaid Akhtar

Padat tetapi sendat dengan makna yang tersirat (=

Rasa dah lama tak qyam ramai-ramai. I had one at Masjid Mydin just now. Rindu pulak suasana Ramadhan. I can't wait for Ramadhan to come. Mudah-mudahan Ramadhan tahun ini akan lebih bermakna berbanding dengan Ramadhan-Ramadhan yang lepas. Nonetheless, each and every Ramadhan has its on 'ni'mah'.

Anw, while i was driving home from Masjid Mydin, I was listening to Mengemis Kasih by Nazrey Johan (feat Far East)...there's something about this song.

It's what i called a taste of kemanisan iman.

Tuhan dulu pernah aku menagih simpati
Kepada manusia yang alpa juga buta
Lalu terheretlah aku dilorong gelisah
Luka hati yang berdarah
Kini jadi parah

Semalam sudah sampai ke penghujungnya
Kisah seribu duka ku harap sudah berlalu
Tak ingin lagi ku ulangi kembali
Gerak dosa yang menghiris hati.

"Rabbana zholamna anfusana
Wa in lam taghfirlana watarhamna
Lanakunanna minal khasireen."

Bumi Kinanah

Bumi Kinanah

*I was that close. oh well.*

Misr taught me independence.
It also brought me hope.
It flatters my heart.
Thank you Allah. (=

Doa for a safe trip for us 2 girls. (=

So you've witnessed the emotional side of me through my recent entries.
That's what you get when I am spiritually at my lowest of low.
Of course there'll come a time to stand tall. Rise high.
And to tell myself,
"DO MEN THINK that on their [mere] saying, "We have attained to faith", they will be left to themselves, and will not be put to a test?"
[al-Ankabut 2-3]
Wipe those tears, put up the best smile.
I am looking forward to new school. New pupils. New responsibilities.

and this is for my girlfriends.

Untukmu Bakal 'Imam'ku yang tiada siapa mengenali termasuklah diri ini, dirimu masih rahsia penciptamu..rahsia yang telah ditentukan untukku, yang perlu kusingkap dengan segunung taubat dan sepenuh sungguhan sujudku, cuma jambatan istikharah jua yang bisa merungkai rahsiaku ini....

Ketahuilah wahai mujahidku,Ketahui namamu tidak menjadi idamanku, apa lagi untuk menatap wajahmu, Menggeletar diri ini apabila terfikirkan azab Allah, justeru diri ini amat bersyukur kerana masih tidak di takdirkan sebarang pertemuan sedar antara kita, ku bimbang andai terjadi pertemuan itu sebelum lafaz akad darimu, sungguh kita menempah siksaan Allah. Ya Tuhan kami lindungi kami..

Biar bertahun lama yang ku tunggu bukan dirimu tetapi yang ku tunggu adalah lafaz akad yang akan membimbing diri ini ke Jannah Allah.Apalah ertinya perasaan kasih yang bersemi untukmu suamiku andai maharnya bukan kemampuanmu untuk mendidikku menjadi mujahidah yang mencintai DIA lebih dari segala...

Andai kuhampar lautan di hadapanmu,

kau tak bisa berhenti,

Andai kubina tembok menghalangmu,
kau tetap pergi,
Biar luka tekakku memanggilmu,
kau takkan jua kembali,
Aku tak bisa berbuat sesuatu,
kau milik Ilahi,
Kupujuk diri sekadar termampu,
menerima kehilangan ini,
Moga,
hilangmu,

hilang berganti.

Tolong sampaikan pada si dia…
Tolong beritahu si dia, aku ada pesanan buatnya..
Tolong beritahu si dia, cinta agung adalah cintaNya..
Tolong beritahu si dia, cinta manusia bakal membuatnya alpa..

Tolong nasihati sia dia, jangan menyintaiku lebih dari dia menyintai Yang Maha Esa..
Tolong nasihati si dia, jangan mengingatiku lebih dari dia mengingati Yang Maha Kuasa..
Tolong nasihati si dia, jangan mendoakanku lebih dari dia mendoakan ibu bapanya..

Tolong katakan pada si dia, dahulukan Allah kerana di situ ada syurga..
Tolong katakan pada si dia, dahulukan ibu bapanya kerana di telapak itu syurganya..

Tolong ingatkan si dia. Aku terpikat kerana imannya bukan rupa..
Tolong ingatkan si dia. Aku lebih cintakan zuhudnya bukan harta..
Tolong ingatkan si dia. Aku kasihinya kerana santunnya..

Tolong tegur si dia, bila dia mula mengagungkan cinta manusia..
Tolong tegur si dia, bila dia tenggelam dalam angan-angannya..
Tolong tegur si dia, andai nafsu mengawal fikirannya..

Tolong sedarkan si dia. Aku milik Yang Maha Esa..
Tolong sedarkan si dia. Aku masih milik keluarga..
Tolong sedarkan si dia. Tanggungjawabnya besar kepada keluarganya..

Tolong sabarkan si dia, usah ucap cinta di kala cita-cita belum terlaksana..
Tolong sabarkan si dia, andai diri ini enggan dirapati kerana menjaga batasan cinta..
Tolong sabarkan si dia, bila jarak mejadi penyebab bertambah rindunya..

Tolong pesan padanya. Aku tidak mahu menjadi fitnah besar kepadanya..
Tolong pesan padanya. Aku tak mahu menjadi punca kegagalannya..
Tolong pesan padanya. Aku membiarkan Yang Esa menjaga dirinya..

Tolong khabarkan pada si dia. Aku tidak mahu melekakan dia..
Tolong khabarkan pada si dia. Aku mahu dia berjaya dalam impian dan cita-citanya..
Tolong khabarkan pada si dia. Jadilah penyokong dalam kejayaanku..

Tolong sampaikan pada si dia, aku mendambakan cinta suci yang terjaga..
Tolong sampaikan pada si dia, cinta kerana Allah tidak ternilai harganya..
Tolong sampaikan pada si dia, hubungan ini terjaga selagi dia menjaga hubungan dengan Yang Maha Kuasa..
Tolong sampaikan kepada si dia kerana aku tidak mampu memberitahunya sendiri…

Hanya engkau Ya Allah mengetahui siapa si dia..
Moga pesananku sampai padanya walau aku sendiri tidak mengetahui siapa dan dimana si dia..
Moga dia seekor lebah yang sentiasa memuji keagungan Yang Maha Kuasa memasuki taman larangan dengan sopan santunnya dan bertemu mawar berduri yang terjaga oleh tuannya..
Simpanlah pesanan ku ini sehingga engkau bertemu diriku suatu hari nanti…

-Fatimah Syarha

a change of mind. and heart.
I've decided to stay. (=

I'm moving out from here soon. U may pm me if you would like to know my new address (=

it'll all get better in time.
insya Allah.

Why am I being tested?
DO MEN THINK that on their [mere] saying, "We have attained to faith", they will be left to themselves, and will not be put to a test? Yea, indeed, We did test those who lived before them; and so, [too, shall be tested the people now living: and] most certainly will God mark out those who prove themselves true, and most certainly will He mark out those who are lying.
- Surah Al-Ankabut : 2-3

Why I do not acquire my heart desires ?
".. Even though it be hateful to you; but it may well be that you hate a thing the while it is good for you, and it may well be that you love a thing the while it is bad for you: and God knows, whereas you do not know. ."
- Surah Al-Baqarah : 216

Why THIS test ?
"God does not burden any human being with more than he is well able to bear:"
- Surah Al-Baqarah ayat 286

Frustrated?
"Be not, then, faint of heart, and grieve not: for you are bound to rise high if you are [truly] believers.." - Surah Al-Imran ayat 139

Overcome tests?
"O you who have attained to faith! Be patient in adversity, and vie in patience with one another, and be ever ready [to do what is right], and remain conscious of God, so that you might attain to a happy state! "- Surah Al-Imran : 200
"And seek aid in steadfast patience and prayer: and this, indeed, is a hard thing for all but the humble in spirit" - Surah Al-Baqarah : 45

What will I be rewarded?
"BEHOLD, God has bought of the believers their lives and their possessions, promising them paradise in return, ,[and so] they fight in God's cause.." - Surah At-Taubah ayat 111

To whom shall I submit ?
"..In Him have I placed my trust, for He is the Sustainer, in awesome almightiness enthroned." - Surah At-Taubah :129

I can't take it anymore!!!
"...and do not lose hope of God's life-giving mercy: verily, NONE but people who deny the truth can ever lose hope of God's life-giving mercy..." - Surah Yusuf :87

from Khairunnisa'

Despite everything, his laughter and smiles are irresistibly contagious!

Charming, isn't he?

Syed Hamizan Shah(=

you know, we're slipping away.

on the other hand, coincidence now, has a deeper meaning.

O My Lord,

My sins are like The highest mountain;

My good deeds Are very few

They're like a small pebble.

I turn to You My heart full of shame,

My eyes full of tears.

Bestow Your Forgiveness and Mercy Upon me.

Ya Allah,

Send your peace and blessings On the Final Prophet,

And his family,

And companions,

And those who follow him.

Thank you Allah for the friends that you have blessed me with.

Let's go krabi-ing girlfriends! (;

ya Lateef, ultuf bina...

I find this Anuar Zain's song interesting. Ironic really. But anyone who has experienced falling in love is guilty of it.
besar cintaku tak berubah.
walau kini rasa itu luluhkan hatimu.
ku hanya milikmu.
meski kau tinggalkan.
masih ku milikmu.
(it goes on...bla..bla..)
cinta ini takkan pernah pudar.
selain untukmu.
In time, many of us would look back and can't help but to smile. Amused.
Bodo? Very. Oh well, it was a bitter-sweet feeling.
Ironic, yes?

Sayyidina Muhammad

His house was but a hut with walls of unbaked clay and a thatched roof of palm leaves covered by camel skin. He had separate apartments for his wives, a small room for each made of similar materials. His own apartment contained a rope cot, a pillow stuffed with palm leaves , the skin of some animal spread on the floor and a water bag of leather and some weapons. These were all his earthly belongings, besides a camel, a horse, and an ass and some land which he had aquired in the later part of his life (Bukhari, Muslim, Abu Dawud). Once a few of his disciples, noticing the imprint of his mattress on his body, wished to give him a softer bed but he politely declined the offer saying,

"What have I to do with worldly things. My connection with the world is like that of a traveler resting for a while underneath the shade of a tree and then moving on."

Amr Ibn Al-Harith, a brother in law of the prophet (pbuh), says that when the prophet died, he did not leave a cent, a slave man or woman, or any property except his white mule, his weapons and a piece of land which he had dedicated for the good of the community (Bukhari, Sahih Bukhari).

He advised the people to live simple lives and himself practised great austerities. Even when he had become the virtual king of arabia, he lived an austere life bordering on privation. His wife Aiysha (ra) says that there was hardly a day in his life when he had two square meals (Muslim, Sahih Muslim, Vol.2, pg 198). When he died there was nothing in his house except a few seeds of barley left from a mound of the grain obtained from a Jew by pawning his armour (Bukhari, Sahih Bukhari, Chapter "Aljihad").

You thought that i've never blogged about you.

For that, this one's for you.


"You are the noor of my eyes, the sultan of my heart."

Having free time does this to me. It gets me thinking. About....things. Life. Family. Friends. Career. And at this very moment, im still thinking. "Thinking Aloud". Haf you ever heard of that? It's one of the effective ways to know your students. Let them write/speak about anything and everything.

Thinking usually lead me to questions. Sometimes you have questions that you so badly need answers that you wished there's a booklet of answers like those assessment books that comes with answer keys. But of course, you're suppose to figure it out yourself. Now, this is where I realized how beautiful Islam has painted its lines of guidance.

The Prophet (s.a.w) said:
"I am leaving with you two things, and
you will never go astray so long as you adhere to them:
the Book of Allah and the Sunnah of His Messenger"

I spoke to my good friend yesterday. Little that I know, our conversation led me to answers. They were there all along. I was just too blind to see. All it takes is F.A.I.T.H.

"..In Him have I placed my trust, for He is the Sustainer, in awesome almightiness enthroned."
- Surah At-Taubah :129